Yeah, so – the scariest movie of all times. It’ll make you crap you pants and then sit there in your own smell and cry for your mommy until demons come out of the screen to eat your pathetic little soul. If you’re Oren Peli, this is exactly what would happen.

Actually, not really – if you’re Oren Peli, you’ll be laughing your ass off at the movie giants, while having a swim in a vault full of money, Duck Tales’ Uncle Scrooge style. Profits built on the suffering of your poor unsuspecting viewers who sob after 85 minutes of their lives, that they’re never getting back.

The moral of the story is that if you’re a stubborn and childish man, you shouldn’t marry a whiny girl with an irrational fear of HD cameras and google searches. Also, don’t buy a rodent-infested house, for the love of the god. If you’re afraid of watching a couple have a bunch of silly fights over pointless happenings – you’ll shiver for the entire movie. Because that’s most of it. NOT recommended for people who fear sleeping on the couch.

What happens in this movie is well … nothing special, really. 5 to 10 minutes of this movie have the potential of making a proper scary story. Now, if you expanded them properly over the entire duration … yeah, you could get cinemas full of screaming and sobbing people, like the trailer would like you to think. There’s good ideas in it, no doubt about that, but they pretty much end the plot, so there’s that. The pacing of the movie is very unstable and things that are mundane and boring are stretched far too long to justify the total lack of nudity. Did I say irrational fear of cameras before? Yeah, I guess I did.

To quote our favourite Eddie Murphy – “Why don’t white people leave when there’s a ghost in the house”? “Too bad we can’t stay baby”. See, there – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96s1M8IyrUQ. Get .. the fuck .. out of the house! But nooo, you sit your ass there for 3 weeks, waiting to be butchered by demons and shit. And who the fuck goes on and taunts the paranormal motherfuckers, seriously?

So there, after watching the fairly brilliant and fairly full of breasts Bitch Slap, we had to endure this little gem, who knew the night would end up like this? We had to try drinking a few at Cafe Sor, since Adam had missed the Friday beer. It was full of known people, known DJ, girls polished up too much for their own good and some mamasitas with more ass than what should be legal in this country. So instead we had to head out to Mono, hangovers or not, and clear up the haze with a couple of beers. And then a couple more and then some. Apparently some people took more than rational to get home afterwards and who can blame them?

Rawr?